SO FAR SO GOOD

I survived my first real training on cash today. In fact, my personal assessment of how I fared today was just a little better than I expected. I don't think the liquor I drank before my shift really did anything to boost up my confidence because I felt that I had enough to begin with which was pretty cool considering how much I rely on alcohol during those moments. I would say that i'm improving inch by inch whch is always a plus. I'm really glad I did somewhat okay today. Just to sum up the things I did well and things I need to work on:

Good:
*I felt positive enough to be cheerful to customers and I always managed to greet most of them.
*I didn't fiddle and made myself look uncomfortable out there.
*I talked to new co-workers

Bad:
*I still mumble everytime I get nervous which causes me to lose words.
*I didnt ask enough questions about the things that are still unclear to me.
*JUST A LITTLE MORE POSITIVE ATTITUDE!!!

I'm really looking forward to my next training because I would like to improve on some things that I failed to address today. It would also present a chance for me to meet the rest of the staff and hopefully make a really good connection with someone interesting. I would analyze all the things I did today for the next two days and see how I can improve on them. I truly believe a person can change and I would like to be a proof of that someday.

I think I have an idea as to why I get so nervous talking to CT. In my head, I put her in a pedestal which makes me second guess all the things I would like to say and in turn, I get nervous which usually causes me to just hold my comments back. Bottom line, I get SCARED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH every time I think about throwing a loose comment. Mentally, I look up to her as someone who's also well-versed in the art of funny and derogative banter and I feel like my banter is not good enough. I have to believe in my capability to play her game because I know I can, i'm just intimidated. I also have to remind myself not to care about the people who might overhear my conversations with people (customers, low self-esteem people, etc...)

I HAVE TO START BELIEVING IN MYSELF...